This week’s Drawing Health practice: Habits of trust

My self doubt, self judgement, forgetfulness, overwhelm, and scary experiences (living with CPTSD is a fear banquet at all times) have created habits of distrusting myself, without me even recognizing it. To me, it always seems reasonable and realistic to expect the least me, to prepare for my own failure to do absolutely mundane and necessary things.

The way people have reacted to my over my lifetime, all stored up as memory in my body, makes an excellent case for rejection sensitivity. I’m rife with it. When I hear a compliment, especially related to my work ethic, responsibility, reliability, or my preparedness, it’s like a shock to my system.

I simply don’t expect anyone to describe those areas of my behaviour in positive terms. Like, I forgot to eat this morning and now my brain’s not working and my body is screaming in pain, you’d think I would REMEMBER these experiences and eat on schedule…but here we are. And you’re saying I’m GOOD at organizing an event? I’m a reliable friend? I’m so put together?

This dissonance makes me doubt the compliment, rather than challenge the core belief. Because if I can’t trust ME, then I will never feel capable.

This class is going to introduce you to the slight shifts I’ve been making, small habits of thought, to create more trust in myself. Nobody else can do it for me, and I can’t do it all at once, but we can support each other to spot the raw materials for building habits of trust within ourselves.

Saturday at 11am on Discord, $15 No One Turned Away For Lack Of Funds: paypal.me/geewebber